Me: Okay, well, let’s get this sweater on… we’ve only got a few minutes left before school.
She: I wan do buttons myself.
I help her snake one arm into a sleeve, and then the other. I go to button the first little button, near the neck.
She: NO! I wan do buttons MYSELF!!
Me: *breathes deeply* I know you want to do it yourself, but we’re running late, darling… can I just help you with the first couple, and then you…
She: *shrieks and rocks entire body with each word for emphasis* NOOOOOO!! I! WAN! DO! BUTTONS! MY! SEEEEEEEEELF!!
Me: *feels a stroke coming on* Ohmyjesuslord… HURRY! UP!! Gawd…
I get the lunchbox into the schoolbag and check on her. She is still trying to get the first one buttoned. I can hear her talking softly to herself – Just… put… here… o-most… awww! Okay… just… put… o-most… I fink…
I am trying by very best not to hover. Or hyperventilate.
Me: *calmly* Can I help you with the first one? Just the first one…
It is 8:42 AM. We need to be at the school doors in three minutes. We still have to do the wretched snowpants/scarf/hat/mitts/coat/boots drill AND walk three blocks. We are late.
Me: Ava Scarlett. Please. PLEASE! Can I just…
Me: *spits through teeth* Fine. (But I’m waaaaaaaay pissed about it.)
I get the camera instead. And about eight hours later, she was ready.
Okay, it might have been four minutes later, but she did it! And she was proud!! And we were late, but we didn’t get penalized.
I know this is all very important for their development and whatnot, but the s-l-o-w-n-e-s-s just kills me. I’m so very impatient, you see, especially when I just want to GO! already. Ack.
Note to self: pullovers only on school days from now on.