Buttons Are Tricky

January 31, 2011

in Random Grumbles,The Ava Scarlett Show

Me: Okay, well, let’s get this sweater on… we’ve only got a few minutes left before school.

She: I wan do buttons myself.

I help her snake one arm into a sleeve, and then the other. I go to button the first little button, near the neck.

She: NO! I wan do buttons MYSELF!!

Me: *breathes deeply* I know you want to do it yourself, but we’re running late, darling… can I just help you with the first couple, and then you…

She: *shrieks and rocks entire body with each word for emphasis* NOOOOOO!! I! WAN! DO! BUTTONS! MY! SEEEEEEEEELF!!

Me: *feels a stroke coming on* Ohmyjesuslord… HURRY! UP!! Gawd…

I get the lunchbox into the schoolbag and check on her. She is still trying to get the first one buttoned. I can hear her talking softly to herself – Just… put… here… o-most… awww! Okay… just… put… o-most… I fink…

So. Slow.

Maddeningly slow.

Holyfuck slow.

I am trying by very best not to hover. Or hyperventilate.

Me: *calmly* Can I help you with the first one? Just the first one…

She: No.

Me: Pfffft…

It is 8:42 AM. We need to be at the school doors in three minutes. We still have to do the wretched snowpants/scarf/hat/mitts/coat/boots drill AND walk three blocks. We are late.

Me: Ava Scarlett. Please. PLEASE! Can I just…

She: No.

Me: *spits through teeth* Fine. (But I’m waaaaaaaay pissed about it.)

I get the camera instead. And about eight hours later, she was ready.

Okay, it might have been four minutes later, but she did it! And she was proud!! And we were late, but we didn’t get penalized.

I know this is all very important for their development and whatnot, but the s-l-o-w-n-e-s-s just kills me. I’m so very impatient, you see, especially when I just want to GO! already. Ack.

Note to self: pullovers only on school days from now on.

Sheesh.

G.G.

  • http://twitter.com/karensugarpants Karen Sugarpants

    This made me smile. I know the madness of which you speak…yet I look at my guys now and know that they are growing up so fast…oh wait, they are still maddeningly SLOW on school mornings!

  • DesiValentine

    Love this. It goes on at my house, too, while I quietly lose my mind. But, you know? My two year old son has always told me that he’s a “squoo-yerl” (when I call him a lemur or a bandicoot, or whatever.) But on Sunday, he stopped. He said, “I’m not a lemur! I’m a SQUIRREL!”, and my heart broke into a million pieces.

  • Grumblegirl

    ACK!! I just need to find some more patience most mornings. Oddly, I think it makes me feel better knowing they don’t actually outgrow it… but balls!

  • Grumblegirl

    “Quietly lose my mind.” Yes. And your little dude said SQUIRREL??! That’s a really HARD word for the Littles!! Wow. I know that broken-hearted-in-a-good-way feeling. So nice!!

    And I’m glad I’m not all mental by myself, sistah. ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504803763 Stephanie Keobel

    You know, once again you wrote a post that not only can I A:Relate to in a non parent kind of way & B: Makes me want to call my mom and tell her how truly awesome she is. For real :)

    As soon as I read “the wretched snow-pants/scarf/hat/mitts/coat/boots drill” I got taken back to the ONE time I offered to help the blue room (18 mos-2.5 yr old little’s) get dressed to go outside.
    Holy SHIT! What a mistake that was! So and so doesn’t have snow pants, mad dash around the daycare trying to find a pair to fit. Oh Jesus so and so doesn’t have boots. What do you mean he has no boots? Are you shitting me? OK (enter little’s name here) honey I know these aren’t yours but it’s cold outside babe and you need to wear them. Enter temper tantrum and tears, speaking in three different languages (true story) to convince a two year old that it’s OK to wear someone Else’s boots.
    Just as you are about ready to tear out your hair, one of the little’s comes waddling over to you with his jacket clutched in his tiny fists and says” Tefanie, help me please” then your heart just totally melts.
    I seriously don’t envy my friends with children but God damn I have a WHOLE new level of respect for all of you. Especially since the winter hit.

    PS. Super cute sweater! I LURVE IT! My God she’s some cute!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=669965459 Victoria Jordan

    yer a good mom. :D

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  • http://bloggingtoabetterbonnie.blogspot.com/ Hepburnsfamily

    I found your blog months ago and there is rarely a time I “don’t” want to reply, I just don’t make the time. But I have been in the situation more times than I can count and I laughed through your entire post (love how you got the preschool speech down pat). I had to comment.

    I however, do not possess your patience and would have started up from the bottom to meet her half way – and in the process taken that moment of joy from her. Bad Mommy! But Mommy would have been worse if she had to wait – I don’t “do” late. It’s a never ending battle to do right by our kids.

    I often joke that all these little scenarios will one day play out in Mother/Daughter therapy sessions.

    Have a button-free day, grumblegirl. You crack me up!! ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/verybloggybeth Beth Wankel

    Oh my gosh I know! Sometimes it’s nice that kiddo makes me slow down and enjoy life, but sometimes I’m like HURRY THE EFF UP.

  • Grumblegirl

    You’re my hero for doing this with Littles EVERY day, lady. Wow.

    And that gold ruffled sweater is pretty cute, no? Gotta love Joe Fresh – especially with the post-Christmas sales. Everything is practically free, yo!

  • Grumblegirl

    Thank, lady. I yell a lot.

  • Grumblegirl

    This comment made my day, friend. Thank you so very much!! Keep coming back…

  • Grumblegirl

    Right? Holy crap… I have no patience at all.

  • http://catchthekids.blospot.com Catch the Kids

    Double sheesh! My twin daughters are similarly very independent. Cardigans, shoes, belts…Gah!. And then there’s the walk to school with every rock, leaf and blade of grass to examine. I know they need to do this, but there should be a pill for the agony.

  • Grumblegirl

    I can’t even imagine what time a person has to rise in the morning in order to dress TWO devils with sharp and pointy horns… you’re my HERO!!

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