At 10 AM today, I left home to take baby to a local playgroup, but as it turns out, it doesn’t start up again until October. This was okay with me, since I was already late arriving, and was calculating how early I would have to leave before the end of the play time, since I had some errands to run, and needed to be home to meet someone by 11:30 AM. Now I had a bit more breathing room. Joy!
I ran into one of my neighbour-foxes, out with her youngest in the stroller, and she was meeting up with yet another neighbour-fox to have a walk on this beautiful day, and would I care to join them since there’s no playgroup. I mention my errands, and she thinks I should have a walk with them anyway. She is always inviting me on a walk with her somewhere. I almost always decline because I have other things to do, and my schedule is nearly always tight. I am trying to say “Why, yes! thanks!!” to more things, instead of always saying, “No, sorry, I can’t…” I don’t want to be such a rigid person. I wish to be more flexible. I say yes today, though I’m fearing this may be a mistake. Surely, I can walk for a little while…
So we meet the other neighbour-fox with her baby in a stroller as well, and they convince me to go with them. Maybe convince is too strong a word. I was happy to see them both, and neither were at the brunch the day before, so it was a great opportunity to catch up a bit.
But here’s the thing about walking: They do it for exercise and social reasons. Though they each have three children to care for, they have some help at home which affords them a bit more leisure time. They also have cars to drive when the crunch comes, and they have to get things done in a hurry. Unfortunately, this is not me.
While walking everywhere is great exercise and useful for maintaining one’s figure, this is not the reason I walk. Nor do I do it because it’s better for the environment to drive less often than urban people generally do. I walk everywhere because I have no driver’s license, because I never learned to drive, and so I have no idea how to make a car “GO.” (Okay, I have some vague idea – I’ve seen people do it many times, but I do not possess this skill. I should learn, I know.)
So while it is rather nice to spend some time wandering through the neighbourhood on a beautiful, sunny day, chatting with my friends, at the same time I was nervously worried that Madame would fall asleep on the walk, which would naturally ruin nap time, which would then completely ruin the rest of the day for ME. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to ensure that my schedule is in line, because getting derailed is costly to ME, and to my nerves, and my overall sense of sanity. Nothing riles ME more than a cranky kid who has missed a nap, and wants to be held and cuddled for the rest of the day because he or she just can’t manage anymore. Trying to get dinner on the table while holding a whining, sucky, tired child makes me want to throw myself under a bus, and I work hard to avoid this at all costs. Anyway, this is all about ME. (It always is.)
Going for a walk is indeed a splendid idea, when you have a choice about your transportation. “Why don’t we walk?” feels like a lovely, civilized choice, when it is, in fact, a choice. For me, I have to walk. “Going for a walk” just feels like “more walking” to me. I will jump at almost any opportunity NOT to walk! I have to walk to do everything I need to do during the day, always with a stroller, and sometimes with a pokey five-year-old at my side. I sprint walk quickly everywhere I go, because I’m on a mission to get all my shit done with as few kids with me as possible. Why would I wait until after school to take both kids to the grocery store? We’re talking about 3:30 PM when one tired and cranky boy needs a snack, and needs to pee, and he wants to play for goodness sake… I avoid having to make shopping stops on the way home from school because it is just easier. And it takes far less time to run with the stroller, than it does to walk (slowly) with them both. Plus, kids and grocery stores don’t usually mix well – especially at that time of day. Must avoid!
So today, I ambled along with my foxes, and tried to just relax and enjoy their company, but I kept nervously checking my watch as we walked block after block away from where I needed to be, mentally figuring how long it would take me to get run back to the commerce area, do my shit, and get home in time for 11:30 AM. Suddenly, I realized I had to break away from them.
“Thank you, thank you… love you guys… gotta fly!” And fly I did! About twelve or so large, residential block out of my way, back to the bank and a quick stop for milk, but not enough time for the bigger grocery shop (besides, I only had time to stop at the “fancy” grocery store, and I have more sense than money to shop there for more than the essentials) so I have to take the children after the school pick up. The very thing I was hoping to avoid. Balls!
And I ran down my street at exactly 11:29 AM – the person I had to meet was already at the door, waiting. I’m glad I didn’t miss her.
I wonder if these little derailments to my day are worth it in the end. Sometimes I feel that YES it was good to do this or that… other times I kick myself for not just pressing on with my day. At the moment, I’m very happy I got to chat with my foxes for a while – it was nice to see their faces, and it’s always a pleasure to see their charming little babes in tow. I have a feeling when I’m at the grocery store with a baby unhappily strapped in the stroller and a fatigued child who will beg me for everything he spies in the store, (to which I will answer “NO!” over and over again) I may just curse the way I chose to spend my morning.
And this is why I invite my ladies out for drinks in the evening, when the day is done, and I at least can relax and unwind. This just works better for me. AND adult beverages are involved, which is way better than sippy cups and chai lattes, in my books. I love my foxes, but when it comes to walking around together, I think I should just say no. Besides which, if I have any leisure time on my hands, you’ve gotta bet that I don’t want to spend any of it walking. I mean, not really. I’d prefer to sit down, thanks.
G.G.
