The Little People are driving me bonkers. I feel like I could kill them today, what with their constant jumping and whining and mess-making and I needs, I wants, you promiseds, and uch, mummy!s. This job is constant. The hours are terrible and the pay is nil. This job sucks, and I sometimes wish I could quit. On days like this, I take a deep breath, try to settle myself, and ask myself what would Claire Huxtable do?
Good lord, how I channel that woman some days. She was the most relaxed mother the world has ever seen. I mean, she was strictest mum in TV Land (though not nearly as strict as my mother) and she had all this time to sit around chatting with her kids, arranging flowers, putting on song-and-dance skits, going to her law office… all this chill stuff, and she was doing it all in the raddest 80’s clothes you could find. She almost never yelled. No one ever got a smackdown – she could get her kids in line with a slight cock of one perfectly-groomed eyebrow. She always looked beautiful – and in heels, no less. That lady could sing and dance, and she spoke Spanish too… cool. She and Cliff had some serious kind of sexy-love going on. I wanted to be her when I grew up, only with less kids. I have no idea how she managed with no nanny…
I still wish to be her. Maybe I should hire a dialogue writer to help me script my life. Then I’d have the answers to everything AND the patience of Job. Somehow I don’t see that happening.
Maybe if it would help if I put on some James Brown and started singing “Baby, baby, baby…”
G.G.
