Spray It, Don’t Say It

November 18, 2014

in house stuff

Okay so, you know I hate ironing, right? I do. For me, it’s right up there with vacuuming… though to be honest, I loathe vacuuming just a little bit more. (Okay, a whole lot more.)

So, what does a lady trying to curb her perfectionist ways do about all the wrinkles and things? She gets a spray bottle and blasts the shit out of every bit of fabric near her.

Now, understand that I’ve always had spray bottles on hand because my kids’ hair required spritzing in the mornings, as part of the hair-doing. I have one with plain water in it, and I have another with a few drops of tea tree oil in it as to ward off the dreaded lice during the ever-cycling live-season. (Does it ever really end? I have no idea. I keep that bottle at the front of the bathroom cabinet, at the ready anyhow.)

But I’d been using the one with the plain water in it for misting heavily wrinkled shirts and things — you know, for the times when the clean laundry has been sitting in the basket for two days or so? Okay, maybe three days. (Okay… maybe four. *ahem*) I don’t love doing laundry, but folding really is one of my super powers. Especially thanks to the spray bottle. I mist the item, snap it into the air once or twice, and the barely-dampened thing loses it’s creases just like that. Fold into near-square, and BOOM! I become the envy of Laundresses everywhere.

But I recently upped my game…


Behold: A Miracle

A while back as I was window-shopping in a fancy store, I spied a bottle of fancy linen water on the fancy shelf, and wondered if I’d ever bother with such a thing. I quickly determined that I would not. BECAUSE I HATE IRONING. Surely, it wouldn’t make the experience any more enjoyable for me, and certainly not for $21.99 for a half litre of the stuff. NO, SIR. But I quietly wondered if I couldn’t just make some myself. I mean, I spray stuff anyway… the water might as well smell kinda nice, right? How hard could it be? When the thought crossed my mind again days later, I Googled a how-to, and of course, there were close to 2 million results… I looked at the first three or four of them, considered simple chemistry breakdowns, and decided the right proportion should be about 1 oz of distilled water to 1 drop of essential oil. But then you’d need to get some distilled water — buy it, or distil it yourself (*slow blink* pardon?) so I opted for tap water, because I’m lazy like that. Distilled water helps deter mould, and is better if you have all kinds of hard-water issues, but I’m not worried about any of that.

In my small Dollarama spray bottle, I mixed 5 oz of water (roughly 1/2 cup) with about 4 drops of lavender oil, with a tres scant capful of vodka — probably less than a teaspoon, which helps with the emulsion, and helps hold the scent longer. Shake, and spray to your heart’s content. I tend to just refill the bottle with plain water the next one or two times, because the bottle itself remains scented, and I need my vodka for other purposes, really and truly.

And before you get any crazy ideas about this stuff smelling like your grandma’s boobs doilies or anything else old, powdery, and othewrise unsavoury, I tell you, these proportions are very subtle. I’m not one for scented anything. Candles? Air-freshener? NO THANKS. And because these are essential oils, and not your store-bought factory-generated-scents of Rocky Mountain Pachouli Balls crossed with Pomegranate & Cinnamon Zinger whatever-the-fuck, you won’t get a headache. It’s not overpowering at all.

After using it for about a week, Martin was first to notice, and said, “My shirts smell really nice,” and I just smiled and nodded. Because of course they do. Lavender in particular is supposed to have a calming, tension-relieving, sleep-promoting effect, so I mist that shit when I remember to make my bed. While doing so recently, Ava Scarlett sidled into the room and said, “Mummy? That smells AMAZING.” And she’s right. It really, really does. So now I keep a small bottle in the bedside drawer next to my bed. (The bathroom is aaaaaall the way down the hall, and I’m lazy, like I said.)

I turned my sister onto it, and she wrote me this morning in shouty-caps to tell me how her life has changed because everything is less wrinkly, and smells delicious and hopeful, and how she’s doing to give me a million dollars now, in exchange for all my brilliance. (Okay, maybe she didn’t say that last part, but it’s that fucking good. Yes, really.)

You’re welcome, Internets.

PS – Lavender smells infinitely better than tea tree oil, and as it’s also supposed to be a lice-deterrent, I’ve abandoned the tea tree oil all together, since my kids say it smells like sadness and regret — now everyone smells slightly like a field of purple flowers instead. In the best possible way. #winning




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